Stories that go together like whiskey & fireworks

Whenever there’s a holiday in the middle of the week it throws me off my game so here’s the week that was one day later than usual.

• It says high occupancy. It says nothing about breathing.

• The #2 Most Wanted Criminal was charged.

• Nothing cures my existential angst like a BMT with extra pickles.

• You like big butts and you cannot lie, can you Squidward?

• Where in the hell is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?

• One if by land. Two if by sea. Three if by LaGuardia.

• How about no?