It’s Belle filling in for Mansa this week, hope I do this episode justice, Mansa will be back for the finale!

Battle of the Bastards

She’s Back

Dany would very much like to know why shite’s on fire and Tyrion’s like, ‘So… some stuff went down while you were gone but it’s not as bad as you think.’ Dany, for once, listens to him and they come up with a plan: reach out to The Masters to negotiate a surrender. The Masters, of course, think it’s Dany surrendering but should’ve known that wasn’t the case when Dany rolled in with her squad calm as the day is long. They talk that mess they always talk and Dany’s like, ‘Or, me and my dragons can set your world on fire. Literally.’ Dany mounts Drogon and he, Viserion and Rhaegel proceed to wreck The Masters’ fleet with the quickness. Tyrion, Missandei and Grey Worm stay behind to deal with The Masters themselves and give them the choice of which one of them gets to die. The nobles pick the ‘lowborn’ one so Grey Worm slits both their throats while Tyrion’s gives the one that’s left the ‘Here endeth the lesson, now…go run tell that,’ speech.

It’s amazing.

The Bad Dad Club

Shortly afterwards Yara and Theon show up and after some flirting/negotiating between Yara and Dany and some ‘Yeah, I remember you. You were an asshole’ between Tyrion and Theon, they agree that all of their dads were massive, world destroying jackoffs and forge an alliance to be better. Yara drops the knowledge that Euron’s on the way with his fleet (and his shady marriage proposal) and Dany’s all, ‘How nice of him to bring us all those ships, yes? We’ll be killing his ass by the way, hope you don’t mind.’ Yara is delighted.

Home Sweet Home

Whoo boy.

Jon, Sansa, Tormund and Davos parley with Ramsay, SmallJon Umber and Karstark to stop this mess before it begins. Jon offers to fight Ramsay one on one, in the old ways, but Ramsay is a lot of things, stupid enough to go up against the guy he’s heard might be the best swordsman in the seven realms is not one of them. Ramsay proceeds to talk shite but Sansa cuts through all of that, demanding to know if Rickon is alive or not. Umber produces Shaggydog’s head and that’s all the confirmation Sansa needs. She tells Ramsay he’s going to die and bounces with Jon and the others following behind.

They counsel and Sansa tells Jon that for all his tactical skill he doesn’t know Ramsay and while Jon agrees he doesn’t know how else he’s supposed to fight other than marshalling all he’s learned at The Wall and with the wildlings. He tries to reassure her but Sansa’s like, ‘Rickon is toast bro. It’s just you and me now and we need to go left hard to take on that crazy man.’

Of course Sansa is right, Ramsay ain’t letting Rickon live when there’s a chance he can wipe out the entire Stark line (that he knows of) in one fell swoop. On the day of the battle he releases Rickon and sends him to Jon and just when he’s about to reach him shoots Rickon in the back with an arrow.

It’s officially on. What happens next is one of the most intense, overwhelming battle sequences I’ve ever seen. If the Battle Of Helm’s Deep met Braveheart that would almost be as insane as what went down tonight and in the midst of it Jon Snow goes full berserker killing everything in his path. It’s still not enough until Sansa comes in like a boss with the Knights of the Vale and Littlefinger by her side and they turn the tide. Ramsay bolts (heh) but Jon’s got them crazy eyes and backup in the form of Tormund, WunWun and the wildlings and they take back Winterfell and I’ve never been so happy to see some banners go up in my life.

A Dish Best Served Cold

When everything calms down and after Jon has beaten the living daylights out of Ramsay he wakes up to find himself in what he thinks is a cell, being watched by Sansa. Ramsay, still thinking he’s a prisoner, starts running his mouth. What he quickly realizes is that he’s not a prisoner…he’s dinner. Sansa feeds him to his own hounds, whom he’d starved in anticipation of feeding them Jon, with the most amazing little smile on her face.

The Queen of The North is here guys.

The Karstarks, Freys, Umbers and what’s left of the Boltons had better run.