WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS POST. IF YOU ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO GO BEYOND THIS POINT AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE FORCE AWAKENS, YOU ARE RISKING SPOILING A GOOD MOVIE.
If you haven’t done so already, go read our review or just go see the movie and then come back and read.
Still here? Ok can’t say that we didn’t warn you!
After seeing the movie, in some ways I feel that for those who said that JJ Abrams would be the death of the Star Wars franchise, were wrong. He hit on a lot of points that made this movie feel as familiar to the old trilogies that also connected with a lot of new fans and passed the baton on to a new generation.
This movie answered a few questions as well as raised a few more but, let’s take the time to thank JJ Abrams for what he brought to us…in a tongue in cheek sort of way, shall we?
Wait…you still reading after we told you don’t spoil it? OK!!!
General Hux kind of reminded me of this fella. And who said that Weasleys would never amount to anything? And no we aren’t going to talk about ‘that salute’ either…nope…we sure won’t…not at all.
Thank you for taking a new army and making the old one look like a Boy Scouts club…but still can’t hit the side of a barn.
Yeah, these new stormtroopers were vicious in many ways most of which were shown at the beginning of the movie. Thi is the first time we really got the chance to show the atrocities a military could pull off with a village of people with 2nd place going to a bunch of clones killing off a monastic order.
While we are at it, THANK YOU for not having ewoks or any other ‘cute and cuddly yet vicious creatures’ pop up during those forest battles!
Also, thank you for weak minded stormtroopers who leave doors open and guns on the floor.
Speaking of the military, thank you for actually making the word Starkiller mean something. “Eff your couch Death Star!!!! Eff your Couch!!! (Unicron would be proud by the way…let’s see how many pick that up) The First Order had a planet which could drain a star of its energy and then direct it not against one planet but several planets in one shot!! Sizewise, the Death Star would be its moon. But wait, did they use the same engineering firm for this project because after all was said and done, all you had to do was again, sneak a small force of commandos in to just drop the shields and allow some small snub nosed fighters to fly down and…it’s down for the count!
Thank you for showing that after all of these years, that the First Order, like the Galactic Empire, still firmly believes in a ‘no handrails’ policy. And what is it with Star Wars and people falling into a shaft? First Palpatine, then Maul and now Han…technically Luke fell into one as well.
Thank you for giving us new TIE Fighters that can seat 2 people, and can shoot from the rear, but still no shielding. You have to admit tho, the new pilot uniforms are SLICK.
It’s kind of like the First Order just said screw it with “Safety First”
Thank you for teaching us that after three generations, this family didn’t need balance in the Force, they needed a couch trip. I mean come on, a dad who kills his wife, tries to kill his kids multiple times, not to mention a whole Jedi order along with fledgling kids and so on. Now he has a grandson who kills his dad…sometimes you just got to let go and let the system deal with them because not everyone is redeemable.
By the way, thank you for giving us a Solo kid with angsty tantrum issues who looks up to a Skywalker kid with angsty tantrum issue.
Thank you very much for reminding us that after 30 years people are still stealing and swindling the ‘fastest hunk of junk’ in the galaxy from each other. Not to mention that it still has the moves to get the job done.
Thank you for setting us back 30 years with minority casting. Lando played a governor, albeit a corrupt one in the 80s, but Finn as “The trashman”?? Yeah, I think I would desert too! I got money riding that says we find out somewhere along the line that he’s descended from Mace Windu. COME ON JJ!!! LET THIS BOY TRULY RISE ABOVE HIS STATION!! GIVE HIM A PURPLE LIGHTSABER THAT HAS BMF ETCHED IN THE HANDLE!!!!!!
Thank you for the callback to the training ball and the dejarik table and that longing look that Chewbacca gave.
Thank you for making Captain Phasma into the new Boba Fett and not the new Darth Maul.
Thank you toning it down with the lens flare, but we know you were trolling us here when you did that. You just couldn’t help yourself.
…and why does EVERY trainee in any martial art movie ever, when learning from the master HAVE to climb someplace HIGH? Well…wait…Master Yoda lived in a swamp…before that he had a comfy condo on Corusant.
…and WHY did Threepio have to wait for R2-D2 to wake up before he got his arm fixed?? Are people that incompetent that they couldn’t attach the correct arm??? Anybody else find it funny that the first thing Threepio did after R2 woke up was bitchslap him??
But mostly thank you for doing a very competent job of giving old and new fans a new movie, new characters, and making it relatable to a galaxy that we left far, far away a long, long time ago. You had just one job, and I think you did it well!!