#GameOfThrones is not playing around…

We get a throwback to episode one of season one with Winterfell, with Dany and Jon’s entrance into the titular location. More importantly we get the reunions we’ve been clamoring for, much sooner than I ever expected. This is a cast of characters who’ve literally been filming in several different countries for years and for the first time almost all of them, with the exception of the King’s Landing Crew, are in the same place at the same time.

…Which leads to some interesting interactions.

First we have to talk about Daenerys and her particular brand of arrogance. Homegirl really rolled up into Winterfell with what looked like a billion Unsullied, Dothraki and two full grown arse dragons and thought the North was going to be like, ‘Hey girl, how you doin?’. Despite literally everyone: Jon, Davos, Tyrion, Varys and Jorah – you know people who are actually from or have interacted with the North – telling her that Northerners, a: have no effs to give about nobody who’s not from the North and b: especially loathe Targaryens because c: their greatest house keeps getting murdered by those assholes.

Unfortunately for her she going to learn today if Arya, Sansa, Bran, Lyanna Mormont and Yohn Royce have anything to say about it. To say her welcome is…cool (pun fully intended) is to put it mildly. Sansa falls into full on, ‘Bitch you thought’ mode – fully backed by Lyanna and Yohn Royce whose powers of side-eye combined are things of beauty – and makes it clear that while Jon has, ahem, bent the knee, she has not. Meanwhile Bran is like, ‘Listen. Don’t nobody care about your title round here. Shite is getting real and we’re all going to die so let’s just keep it moving.’ It’s effing hilarious TBH and shuts Dany’s attitude down right quick.

Meanwhile, Jon has to deal with everyone in the North that’s not Bran focusing less on the effing hoard of ice zombies and more about whether he’s King or Warden of the North. Not that it matters because a: he’s King of the Seven Kingdoms and b: ice zombies. It leads to him taking a moment with Dany because he just cannot with these people and we get my favorite thing to happen the entire episode:  Jon rides Rhaegal!

It’s fantastic, and a moment of lightness we needed, because after this everything really starts going down when Dany meets Samwell Tarly. A scene you wouldn’t think would be so pivotal sets a lot of things in motion. What starts off sweet: Dany thanking Sam for saving Jorah, takes a turn once she realizes just who he is and what she’s done to his family. It’s heartbreaking and everyone in the scene: Emilia Clarke, Iain Glen and John Bradley are a study in subtlety as the full horror sinks in.

This leads to what we’ve been waiting for since season one, episode one: the reveal of Jon’s parentage. Sam, smarting from finding out that his entire male line is dead, and encouraged by the King of the Pettiness aka Bran Stark, runs to Jon and drops the bomb on him right in front of Lyanna’s statue. It’s one of the quietest yet shocking moments that have ever happened on the show because it’s so…calm. Kit Harington does a marvelous job of showcasing Jon’s shock, horror, shock, sadness, shock and utter confusion in just a few moments. Jon is in full denial and Sam and Bran are like, ‘Yeah, too bad. The Night King is coming, you’re the king of the everything, time to nut up.’ Where things go from here? Who knows…

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The North Remembers:
I just realized that the people of the North have never seen any brown people before, or at least in a good long minute, and react the way you’d expect.

Bran doing the absolute most gives me so much life you guys. Also, his petty is on a level that I wish to have.

Robert’s wish for a Baratheon and a Stark marrying might come true if the way Gendry’s nose is fully open upon seeing Arya, and her flirting in the most murdery way possible, is any indication.

Sansa basically laughing in Tyrion’s face when he told her Cersei made a promise cracked me all the way up. The fact that she scares Tyrion now because he’s realized that everyone who’s ever crossed her is dead as a doornail makes it even better.

Theon apparently spent some time learning to become a ninja because, oh my damn. The rescue of Yara is effing amazing.

Speaking of: Yara told Euron’s dumbarse that he picked the wrong side and he refuses to listen, all he cares about is banging Cersei. That is not a plan homie.

How dafuq is Bran teleporting around Winterfell? Please explain? Also, Bran already knows Cersei’s toast and ain’t even worried about her. That is concerning because it makes those rumors that the Night King is attacking Winterfell as a feint and really going straight to King’s Landing with Viserion seem more likely.

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We end with Jamie finally arriving in Winterfell and thinking he can sweet talk his way into an alliance only for Bran to be waiting on him like, ‘Hey bitch. What’s good?’ In other words, it’s time to get that popcorn y’all.

Five Elephants out of Five