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Movie Review: The Cheesiest Horror Movies That Ever Cheesed.

I love horror movies. I always have. It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that I discovered the glory of “B-rated” horror. Sure, I will always appreciate those well-written, well-directed, and well-acted movies that creep you out & scare you to the core. However, there’s a lot to be said for movies that were once billed as horror, but when you watch them now, they’re amazingly funny & so awesomely bad that you want to keep watching them – like a train wreck; you can’t look away. I’d like to share a few of my recent favorites with you, and include some fun horror-themed snacks that you can make & enjoy along with them.

First up, is a classic: “Killer Klowns From Outer Space”. I have loved this movie ever since I first laid eyes on it about 15 years ago. Starring the great b-movie actor, Grant Cramer, this movie about evil alien clowns who land their circus tent-shaped spacecraft on Earth & proceed to wrap humans in cocoons made of a cotton candy-like substance is not only one of the best “bad” horror movies of all time, but one of my favorite films I’ve ever seen.

The movie contains some of the best comedic horror moments in film history. Shadow puppets, popcorn guns, and human ventriloquism, just to name a few. If you love this type of movie like I do, I highly recommend adding it to your collection.

To go along with this movie, why not make some pink popcorn (you’ll understand when you watch the movie)?

pink_popcorn

Ingredients:

– 2 cups of sugar
– 1 tbsp unsalted butter
– ½ cup water
– 2 cups of unpopped popcorn
– Red food coloring

Pop the popcorn in an air popper.

Boil the sugar, butter, water and food coloring for 3 minutes. Then let it cool for 10 minutes.

Slowly poor the sugar mixture over the popcorn and toss it to make sure it’s evenly coated.

Let all of that dry on a cookie sheet. You could also dry it in a 200 degree oven for 10 minutes, but you’ll want to watch it carefully. Enjoy!

Next, we have “Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter”. This movie is a recent find for me, but I love it nonetheless. This 2002 independent film has all the makings of a cult classic. It follows the story of the Christian savior, who has returned to Earth after members of the Catholic Church start going missing, and it turns out that vampires have found a way to walk in the sunlight. Jesus gets a modern-day makeover, and goes up against the undead, all the while being assisted by his Mexican wrestler sidekick.

The joy of seeing a concept like this brought to the screen is so much fun, that it had my full attention for the whole 85 minutes. If this movie has taught me anything, it’s that mohawked punk rockers can be priests too. Oh, did I mention that it’s also a musical? Yeah…

As a fun snack to go with this movie, I found it funny to have red wine & little vampire cookies.

Ingredients:

– 1 package oblong-shaped cookies
– 1 can chocolate icing
– 1 package Fruit Roll-Ups
– 1 tube black gel icing
– 1 package mini marshmallows

To make hair: Spread icing around top of cookie, making sure to create a “dramatic hairline”.

To make a cape: Using a pair of clean kitchen scissors, cut (or rip) a Fruit Roll-Up to size and drape around base of cookie. Fold down corners to create the signature large collar of a vampire’s cape.

To make eyes: With black gel icing, dab two small dots in center of cookie.

To make fangs: Using a pair of clean kitchen scissors, cut two small triangles of mini marshmallow and attach with icing beneath the eyes.

Finally, we’ve got “The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulu”. Another recently-acquired gem, this movie is very reminiscent of “Shaun of the Dead”. Two office drones in a dead-end job find out that one of them is the last living descendant of the author H.P. Lovecraft. They are then tasked with protecting a relic from the time of The Old Gods, and summarily chased by a cult & their leader, who are bent on bringing about the resurrection of Cthulu.

The makeup in this movie is actually pretty top notch, and the acting is way above what you’d expect from a cheesy movie. All of that being said, this movie takes a few tongue-in-cheek jabs at geek culture, and delivers gory scenes in the most comedic way possible.

squid2

If you’re feeling adventurous, why not snack on some dried squid for this flick? You don’t even have to prepare anything! Just pop down to any Asian or international market and you should see these on the shelf. Little salty squid snacks along with a movie about Cthulu? Why not??  …or if you are really incredibly adventurous…cook these up and see what happens.

squid

About Doug T. (481 Articles)
A lifelong gamer, disabilities advocate, avowed geek, and serious foodie. Doug was born in South America, currently resides in Northern VA, and spends the majority of his time indulging in his current passions of gaming & food, while making sure not to take life or himself too seriously.
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