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Summer Movies: Rule of Two, Part I

We are halfway through April and already there is anticipation and excitement for this year’s summer crop of movies and if you are really excited, then you know by August your wallet will be crying for mercy as you spend nearly 50 dollars or more (movies dates ain’t cheap or haven’t you heard!!!) for many of this summer’s offerings.  be honest, you can’t (and probably shouldn’t) see everything. So before you go, let me offer my perspective of what you should see and what you should wait for or avoid totally as this year’s summer crop kicks off.  Also a few other opinions may be coming so as always, YOUR MILES MAY VARY as this list kicks off!  Why is it called Rules of Two? Just read it and see…it’s kinda like the Sith.

1. These are the 2 movies that not only you should take off work and play ‘slick’ to see but you may want to go to the midnight showing. These movies are so good that you will give someone a straight punch to the mouth if you catch them texting in the movie.

Iron Man 3 – seriously? yeah ok part 2 was kinda meh but it wasn’t bad and besides you can only go UP from here. mandarin as the villain, a ton of new armors, and DON CHEADLE PILOTING THE IRON PATRIOT!!  Count me there already!!!

Star Trek – You saw the trailers right???  The Enterprise (or some other Constitution class ship) crashes!!! In water!! Water is wet!!! Get on this!!!

2. These are 2 movies that you can wait until one of those random days you ain’t got shit else to do but you should still see anyway.

Man of Steel – Bananas?  Out of my mind?  I know but how many Superman movies must we suffer through before we get a GOOD one? Superman Returns suffered too much because it was trying too hard to be like the originals and while this one looks to go away from that irksome wholesomeness of the last one, it’s still looks to be a much darker version of Superman II. You didn’t know General Zod was the villain?   And it’s Zack Snyder, the man responsible for Sucker Punch…but wait he did direct 300 so there is SOME hope. Let’s see if he can do for this franchise what Christopher Nolan did for Batman even if it was in much less time.

Oblivion – yes it comes out this Friday but I am still kinda pissed over Jack Reacher and let’s be real, Cruise’s movie history has been up and down these past couple of years so seeing him play the human WALL-E in this while looks exciting will have to wait a few weeks before I see this. However, this still looks more watchable than Prometheus. Not better, just more… watchable.

3. These are the 2 movies that people will get caught sleeping on but never hear about until it hits Redbox or Netflix while in the meantime you saw it in the box office and can side eye those that missed these 2 brilliant films.

The Great Gatsby – this was that book you hated to (not) read in high school and now it’s a movie. These things happen. Smart people will go see it and when the not so smart get wind of it, they will feel bad skipping this movie just like they did skipping the book.

Pacific Rim- This is the closest that we will get to a Mechwarrior / Battletech movie so go out and enjoy it for what it’s worth and when others figure it out, you can be the clever one and say “Mmm Hmmmm…I told ya.” Oh and you wanna convince your date to go? Tell her Idris Elba is in it.

4. These 2 movies that got hyped so much that you were smart enough to avoid not only wasting good money on but wisely saved bail money for punching someone that was texting because that texter was telling his friends that these movies sucked balls

The Hangover III – Hate me if you want for this choice but the first one was a bit inane yet fun, 2 was stretching so why in hell do we need a part III? No…stay away unless you are absolutely bored or you really have an itch to see how this trainwreck ‘ends’.

After Earth – Ok, when was the last time you took M. Night Shyamalan seriously? 6th Sense? Yeah, the trailers look good but that’s how we got suckered into Prometheus last year. Don’t fall for the okie doke. Raise your hands if you still want your money back from Last Airbender.

5. These  are the 2 movies that will be so bad that you wouldn’t even want the bootleg for these. It’s literally losing 2 hours of your life with no refund. Even if Uncle Rollo comes around and wants to give it to you for free, say NO.

The Lone Ranger – Oooooh I got a bad feeling about this one. About the same as when they tried this back in the 80s. When Johnny Depp playing the sidekick is a bigger draw than Armie Hammer (yes I hear some of you asking, “Who is this dude?” Look up The Social Network for your answer.) this smells stink already. This is the movie that Depp does in between PotC movies and yes there WILL be a part 5.

Kick Ass 2 – Yeah I am calling foul on this one. Sure, I liked the first one but, we all move on. But Mark Millar is SLOW.  Just like the comic book which took forever to come out and was a meh effort, Mark Millar waiting 3 years to cash in on the momentum of his franchise books, I think will miss on this. Can’t let these kids grow too fast before you go back to the well!!

There is more coming soon and if you happen to be on facebook, check us out at the Blogthing Movie Club and of course comment if you agree or disagree with my picks.  Either way, it’s your money!

Lastly if you want more info about anything coming out always go to IMDB for info on the latest coming to the theaters.

About Armand (1269 Articles)
Armand is a husband, father, and life long comics fan. A devoted fan of Batman and the Valiant Universe he loves writing for PCU, when he's not running his mouth on the PCU podcast. You can follow him on Twitter @armandmhill

3 Comments on Summer Movies: Rule of Two, Part I

  1. “However, this still looks more watchable than Prometheus. Not better, juts more… watchable.”

    George Bernard Shaw shaving his back would be more watchable than Prometheus.

    Like

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