A Helpful Guide to the MLB Playoffs
The MLB playoffs began yesterday, and unless one of your chosen teams made it to the dance you might be trying to decide what team to root for. We’re here to help.
Why you should and shouldn’t root for each MLB playoff team:
Pro: They haven’t won a World Series in over 100 years. If any team is due it’s gotta be them.
Con: The story is that they are cursed and the curse involves a goat who was not allowed to come into the stadium. The curse has worked for over 100 years. Do you really want to release that kind of bad juju back into the world when it is content to screw with one team?
San Francisco Giants
Pro: There is nothing about them that stands out as a negative, and in this world that counts as a positive. Also, their stadium is a jewel and they have fans who sit in the water just past right field waiting for home run balls to be hit into the water. How cool is that?
Con: They won in 2010, 2012 & 2014. Let someone else have a turn ya selfish bastards!
New York Mets
Pro: They aren’t the Yankees
Con: They’re still from New York
Los Angeles Dodgers
Pro: Vin Scully is retiring after 67 years (he was the team’s broadcaster when they played in BROOKLYN and the team’s nickname made sense). It would be fitting to give the guy a ring.
Con: There is a decent chance that the entirety of L.A. and most of CA could fall into the Pacific Ocean at any time, including during the game. I have no desire to see the World Series turn into a Michael Bay movie.
Pro: The club, both in D.C. and in its original home in Montreal, has never even made it to the World Series. That’s tough.
Con: Montreal was an awesome baseball town and the fans got hosed by MLB. Why allow these Johnny Come Lately fans have a trophy? They’ve already lost multiple teams due to fan lethargy.
Pro: They hit a lot of home runs and home runs are fun. Sometimes teams shoot off fireworks when their players hit home runs and fireworks are always fun. Buck Showalter is a great manager who has led two teams to the precipice of the World Series only to lose his job, then see that team WIN the whole thing the next year.
Con: Manny Machado can be kind of a jerk. There are a lot of fans who are complaining about NFL players disrespecting the National Anthem while screaming “O” during the song, and that makes those fans hypocrites so screw ‘em.
Boston Red Sox
Pro: There is none. Sorry, but there is nothing redeeming about the team or the city.
Con: Requires a whole new article. If you want to know go ahead and ask anyone who isn’t a Red Sox fan about the team and you will get all of the reasons you need and then some.
Toronto Blue Jays
Pro: Without a team that’s not from America how can it be a WORLD Series? The rules of grammar require their presence, especially since Montreal was cruelly removed from the mix (see Washington Nationals).
Con: Jose Bautista, Edwin Encarnacion, Jason Grilli…the team is stacked with schmucks.
Pro: Texas Rangers makes you think of Walker: Texas Ranger, which makes you think of Chuck Norris memes, and that makes you smile.
Con: Due to Texas gun laws there is a 35% chance that any World Series parade will end in a hail of bullets. Why risk it?
Pro: They haven’t won the World Series since 1948. Basically they are the Cubs of the American League. Also, the city of Cleveland is synonymous with disappointing fan bases.
Con: UNTIL THIS YEAR. LeBron James came home and led the Cavaliers to the top of the NBA. There is a legitimate concern that if the fans get any happier the Cuyahoga River could catch on fire again. The EPA is stretched thin enough already. And one other thing: they still use this logo:
So there you go. I hope this helps you pick a team. If not, the NHL is starting back up. Go watch hockey. It’s a great sport.
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